“I am an early bird and a night owl… so I am wise and I have worms.” – Michael Scott

“If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” – Steven Wright

“Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” – Will Rogers

“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.” – Groucho Marx

“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” – Thomas Edison

“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin

“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” – Dalai Lama

“Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese.” – Billie Burke

“I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” – Oscar Wilde

“When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” – Cathy Guisewite

“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.” – Charles Schulz

“I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.” – Benjamin Franklin

“A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.”

“If you think adventure is dangerous, try routine; it’s lethal.” – Paulo Coelho

“Even if you are a minority of one, the truth is the truth.” – Mahatma Gandhi (funny in the sense of stubborn motivation)

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde

“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” – Jim Carrey

“I choose a lazy person to do a hard job. Because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” – Bill Gates

“If plan A didn’t work, the alphabet has 25 more letters.” – Claire Cook

“The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” – Will Rogers

“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin

“Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.”

“Work hard so you can shop harder.”

“Some days I amaze myself. Other days I put my keys in the fridge.”

“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.”